WHITE FINNISH SMURFS – Country review with Boris
Tsk, tsk, tsk… savages… ♫ Life of Boris intro music ♫ ♫ Smooth music ♫ Is this not the line for cheburek? Nu blin! I went… by boat Now, this boat was fast Not Blyatmobile number one fast But moving at 28 knots It is considerably faster than rowing Even after drinking two whole jars of
babushkas premium kompot On the boat there were signs Saying: “No horisontal pole dancing, please!” I guess this has been an issue before And in the background of course, I saw: Sweden! No, Helsinki! So, Finland, Suomi, yes! So that’s how Finland attracts Estonians:
free cable television! Once I arrived on land, I was given a map But this map was completely useless! Car rentals and beauty shops, I do not need this! What I need, is food!
And then I read… Kaartinkaupunki… this sounds like food! …it was not ♫ Smooth music plays ♫ 🐦SQUAWK! 🐦 🐦SQUAWK! 🐦 🐦SQUAWK! 🐦 🐦SQUAWK! 🐦 🐦SQUAWK! 🐦 🐦SQUAWK! 🐦 🐦SQUAWK! 🐦 🐦LOWER SQUAWK 🐦 🐦Even lower squawk 🐦 🐦SQUAWK! 🐦 I did learn some Finnish trying to navigate the city Til this day I definitely know that “puosun kanat”, “puosun leike” and “kaikki annokset saatavilla myös lasten annoksina” Definitely mean something that you would
put on a menu I came across a market Right in the port And I swear I could hear in the distance:
a bit of… ♫ Salatut Elämät – Seppo on bi plays in the distance ♫ In the market they sell some very strange ushankas I thought about buying one but then I realised:
I need the money to get home And you do want to go home because everything
is expensive And I don’t mean like you need to save up
for week to buy some bread But in the store you do have to pay attention
what you are putting into your basket More of that later on… Also, I did see a quite a bit of beggars
on the streets But as much as I heard these guys are
scammers and con-artists Because the welfare system here pays them
twice as much as I get payed each month But okay, moving on! I did come to this country for exploration! And that I did Once I arrived in centre of city I started looking for a bar First one I found was closed… On my way to the second one, I see sign: UA!
And then I’m thinking… Party!? But no, I took wrong turn and end up in port again, blyat! I saw a statue that promised to talk to me,
but after scanning the very 2012 looking QR-code I was greeted with a message instead, saying:
“Data roaming services are not available for this number to enable data roaming, please call the-” So I took some photos instead! Some in regular places… Some in more tourist-friendly places… And some in… less tourist-friendly places Like middle of street, for example! Until the Swedish police came and told me to get lost! Why the Swedish police?
I do not know Maybe all the Finnish police was on break So after a bit more time of exploring statues… Looking at mechanical clocks on the street… And admiring a self-portrait of neighbour Vadim… I decided – since it was now past 10 AM –
to try another pub Now this looked like a harmless place,
a regular old place Where you can walk in and kick off your shoes… Well, not literally: you can kick back and enjoy
the nice atmosphere and the cold drink So I go to bartender and say:
“Two beers for me!” And she say: “Of course, my friend!
That will be 14 Euros” Then I said: “No no no, I said two, not twenty” And she said: “Yes yes yes, give me the money” I looked at the first and last 20 Euros I had in my wallet
and said “Okay, might as well” It is a hot +2 °C outside, I need my drink,
I need that refreshment So I ended up paying 7 Euros per drink at an average pub for an average beer and it didn’t even taste that good… Man, I should just cut this video now, I was broke,
what was I going to do? So then I enjoyed my two second most expensive beers
that I have ever bought Most expensive was in Norway, by the way And took a moment to realise…
what I had just done But then I moved on, I managed to find Internet connection after which I was greeted By the saddest thing I had ever seen after leaving a pub:
no shashlik to be found But I did find a place for pizza, kebab, salaatti kana, falafel, rullat, but no, none of them was shashlik… So I left and stumbled across a very weird store
that sells merchandise for these white smurfs or something But this stuff they sold was more expensive than the beer, so I left to and check out some things that they could not possibly charge me for Like standing in front of the metro station Looking at statues of men holding balls Probably filled with all that shashlik they have
hidden away To my luck, I did find a VR experience center
and of course I went right in! ♫ Smooth music with street sounds ♫ Wow! Now THAT, is impressive! It’s so real! Sadly on that day they were playing endless loop of
Finnish train station simulator So, I left to go find something else And I did… I found… some stairs! That I heard was very good luck to climb,
so I did It was completely free and once I reached the top
I felt my luck changing already Because I get message from fan saying:
“It is true, drinks in pub are horribly expensive it is cheaper to buy some Kaski Jaloviina from alco store, drink in a park and pay the fine for public drinking” And that gave me an idea! Even the statues behind me were supporting this idea
one of them saying: “Boris, gooo…” “Store is that wayyy!” And the other one is like:
“Yes!! Kaski Jaloviina!” So I walk, I walk for many minutes… I even pick up some light reading on the way Polishing services? Niiice! Found a local place that sells meat sandwiches And went on to find a shop! That sold many good things, like:
sausages “Lauantaimakkara?” looks like doctor sausage to me! Experience some local anarchy Tsk, tsk, tsk… savages! And then arrived… at source of problem Almost every beer in this average food shop
cost at least 2 Euros per can! What the blin!? What is going on here!? These prices are crazy, man! I need to know who is to be blamed for this! One can of bear juice: 3 Euros! Not good! And to make things worse… the sale of alcohol is actually not allowed after 9 PM, what the hell!? 9 PM is when the drinking starts, blyat So okay, I left but not before buying some salty liquorice Went to find store that someone mentioned,
get a drink, and had a nice sit-down in the park! And right next to the park, what a surprise!
Neighbour Vadim’s front door! * knocks * Sadly, no one was home… I took my stuff and I was on my way I thought about the Finnish experience I just had
and realised, that I am not even remotely rich enough To get drunk in this country… Nu, might as well ♫ Smooth music plays ♫ But before leaving the country and giving up on the search of cheeki breeki I did manage to find one store That was friendly to my slavic budget… And that was of course this one right here! If you have seen my videos then you will know that
half of this stuff was bought from these shops It is I think the only place where you can buy a first place medal for only 2 Euros So I did And left, right after receiving award for best YouTube channel in the world! So, what did I learn from my Finnish experience? I learned that I need to be making at least 7 times more money to survive here for more than 8 hours at a time And once I do get that money, I will be coming back
to every other city besides Helsinki Blin! But until then my friends…
I say thank you for watching! Next stop:
Lithuania! No, LATVIA! Get some kvass and saldējums! Let’s just hope their drinks are cheaper than here So then just maybe I can stay over
for a night or two… Is Latvia slavic country?
Not really But neither is Finland! But after Latvia, a-ha, Czech Republic! Cheap high quality beers in every pub that
you go to, hopefully that coming very soon as well But until then, stay cheeki breeki my friends,
I’ll see you next time!