Gayblack Canadian Man

Foreign Policy Analysis

This Is Who We Are: Trump’s Zero-Tolerance Policy – The Opposition w/ Jordan Klepper


I’m not going
to bullshit you. I know you. You’ve seen the
news. The current administration
is separating families from their children
at our border with Mexico. Nearly 2000 children
separated from their families. If you come across the border we’re going to take
your children away. OK. Come across the border.
We take your children away. That sounds harsh but that’s also the policy
of witches and candy houses. The upside down and Fuddruckers. Side note, do not take
your children to Fuddruckers. Now of course with this story
the anti-Trump media is turning the outrage up to 11 claiming these poor kids
are in cages. But if there’s anything
disturbing about the situation it’s the word choice. Border Patrol people
have reached out to us. They were very uncomfortable
in their words with his characterization
of the words cages. They said it’s not inaccurate but they’re very uncomfortable
with using the word cages. Yes very uncomfortable. The word cages
is so uncomfortable it’s almost confining in a way. Can you imagine
being forced into using the word cages
to accurately describe where you’re putting children. I mean the left
is all up in arms over Trump’s new
zero tolerance policy that is separating immigrant
kids from their families. If you think about it for a
second literally only a second. It sounds really really bad.
Like movie villain bad like where the guys who phone up
and say “we have your daughter “I hope you don’t have
a special set of skills “or else you’ll find… …us.”
But guys, don’t let them shame you.
That’s OK. Don’t be afraid of these
actions. You need to understand. This is who we are. We’re the side that supports
separating kids from their parents.
We’re the deplorables. Now if you voted for
the Trump administration or are in the
Trump administration you might be feeling
a little itch and that fist sized spot
between your lungs. And that’s just growing
pains, sorry, shrinking pains. You’re working through
the different stages of self acceptance. For example denial. Homeland Security
secretary, Kirsten Nielsen defending the administration’s
immigrant policies in a series of tweets
writing this. We do not have a policy of separating families
at the border. Period. Oh good luck following up
with that she said “Period.” National conversation over and if someone says “what about
all those children over there?” Just say “well let’s move
onto the next stage.” -Blame. -I hate the children
being taken away. The Democrats have to change
their law. That’s their law. That’s the Democrats law. Democrats forced that law
upon our nation. Yes Trump can’t just undo
something the Democrats did. It’s not health care,
or taxes, or gun laws, or anything Obama touched. His hands are tied. No sure. Trump’s own Department
of Justice has acknowledged
that Trump and Sessions created the policy and he can
halt it anytime he pleases. But if Trump really had that
power then who was he tweeting “Change the laws” to in
all caps at 8:50 am? You heard him Twitter. I don’t know which one of you
eggs is in charge of this but (bleep) fix it! Unbelievable, wake up eggs! If you’re still uncomfortable with what’s happening
at the border. Try moving on to the next
stage: appeal to a higher power. The attorney general
Jeff Sessions turn to the Bible to say the government
must follow the law I will cite you to
the Apostle Paul in his clear and wise command in Romans 13 to obey the laws of
the government because God is
ordained. The government for his purposes. Jeff Sessions is always
appealing to a higher power. He needs to appeal
to higher powers whether it’s asking for help getting the peanut butter
off the top shelf or getting him a booster seat so he can draft up
some mandatory minimums for skateboarding.
He needs it. Now these are all
extremely valid responses to a traumatic news cycle. But remember the goal
is acceptance. Luckily one man
is already there. Steven Miller has been
the architect of basically anything
related to immigration. Here’s what Steven Miller
told The New York Times that the separation of children
from their families was a “simple decision
by the administration to have a zero tolerance
policy for illegal entry. Period.” Period.
The Trump administration knows how important
it is to say “period” at the end of a sentence. Because, like a child, that
dot is so small it might completely lose
track of itself otherwise. That’s right.
The guy who was accepted and helped dictate America’s
southern border policy is the same person who
reportedly told a classmate they couldn’t be friends anymore because the classmate
was Latino. Oh. Yeah. Helen’s face may have
launched a thousand ships but if those ships had seen this
face it would have turned the (bleep) around. So, Trump administration
members. Stop being so defensive don’t pretend this isn’t
your vision. Accept it. Because this is who we are.

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